I thought I'd share a few different pieces of my life and examples of how my introverted nature has manifested itself. My hope is that if you are a fellow introvert you can relate, and if an extrovert you can understand how the other half of us live and accept our many idiosyncrasies.
Education
Since formal education has taken up over half my life I will start there. It seems like in schools, a lot of things are group centered--projects, discussions, papers (just the thought of group papers puts me in panic mode), and more. My accounting program in college was very group focused and I've heard it's gotten even more so. For me, even studying in a library is too stimulating with the continuous hum of activity. Most of my study in high school and college occurred in the quiet space of my bedroom (I had my own room as a kid) while my roommates or husband (we were married after my sophomore year of college) were still up at campus. I thrived here and could focus on credits & debits to my heart's content, I mean who wouldn't want to study that in quiet? Group projects seemed to me a waste of a lot of time as outspoken people ran the show and I kept thinking, let's just divide things up, work on it by ourselves, and then come back together. For group papers (insert cringe), I always volunteered to be the editor just so I wouldn't have to talk with people on a piece of writing.
I remember group discussions in classes and felt like I never really had anything to add as it took me too long to formulate ideas in my head into cohesive spoken words. I am not good with extemporaneous speeches and always have to have things written out. My presentation class in college left me with many sweat soaked outfits and stumbling for words.
Just being around so many people for prolonged amounts of time like the school day must have left me drained. My sisters complained that after school I would confine myself to my room and now I realize that was probably the time I needed to recharge from too much stimulation.
Work
I haven't worked much in the formal work world but here are my experiences. For three summers in high school I worked at a summer camp filled with lots of kids and energy. I remember the second summer I worked there my boss said, I didn't realize you actually talked since last summer you were so quiet. It had taken me a whole summer to feel comfortable to open up to virtual strangers. Studying accounting in college meant the Big Five, or Final Four big accounting firms came to campus and hosted a lot of social events for recruiting purposes. I absolutely hated these events and just wanted to go home, after eating the free food of course. I thought that all accountants were introverts like me but with the plethora of social events I realized that wasn't the case. I did work for a local accounting firm for two tax seasons and thrived in my quiet office space. The thought of the large open office spaces that seem to be the fad now or cubicles in a huge warehouse seriously makes me want to cry. Where is that door to hide behind when I just don't want to talk to people, or take a little nap at my desk? Remember, even libraries are too stimulating for me? I am self-employed now and work alone in a quiet spot in my own comfortable home and absolutely love it. Networking? Too many people and strangers for me to even contemplate.
Communication
As mentioned before, speaking is sometimes very hard, especially in group settings. I have to run complete sentences through my head sometimes before I feel comfortable enough to let them out of my mouth. One form of communication that can be really hard for me is talking on the phone. I really didn't like talking on the phone when I was a kid (or really now) and when I did temp work as a secretary in college my phobia almost ruined the job for me. I really, honestly don't know how my adult life would be different without the advent of email, texting, blogging, online social media, and more. I didn't realize at the time what a God-send these forms of communication have been for me. When texting first became popular I thought I would never use it but when it's easier, faster, and less socially awkward than talking on the phone, I will make my thumbs speed over the phone to text and definitely do it more than other forms of communication. My favorite button on the keyboard is backspace or delete. As I try to formulate my thoughts I am so grateful that in an email or text I can go back and edit so things make more sense. You can't really do that verbally.
Since I'm not the best at verbal communication, I prefer writing. I'm still not the best writing (delete, delete, delete) but from a young age I have enjoyed keeping a journal. I don't open up even on paper (probably not an introvert but just a me thing) but journaling is at least a safe venue for me to write the thoughts that do swirl around in my head but I don't feel comfortable speaking out loud. I talked with an extroverted friend after we read Quiet for bookclub about social media. For me I use Facebook as a kind of journal about things I'm doing and feel comfortable sharing. I'm grateful for that Internet buffer so no face-to-face interaction needed and it helps me feel like I have a voice to some extent. She said she didn't like Facebook because it was too impersonal and we considered each other's points of view.
Social Interactions
I'm just going to come out and say I greatly prefer one-on-one or very small groups to large groups for social interactions. When I'm invited to large parties or events I absolutely have to know there will be at least one person I can stay with and feel comfortable with and talk to or I won't go. I like one-on-one conversations too as I'm able to go into more depth since I am not good at chit-chat or small talk. I also like to keep people talking about themselves, or at least not about me, and ask a lot of questions to keep the conversation off me so the other person does more talking and I can just listen.
With this topic of social interactions, I have to talk about church a little. I am a Mormon and as part of our culture, we do a lot of social things together. Our Sunday services are three hours long split into three one hour blocks for different worship. We also serve in different capacities within our congregation and some opportunities I've had over the years include teaching music to the children, teaching/leading the women, and now I have the opportunity to teach the teenage girls. Almost without fail, after church I have to take a nap as I am both physically and emotionally worn out. I love it but need the nap (sacred Sunday naps are real!).
On a different but somewhat similar note, when my kids are off of for summer break, it takes me a good week or so to adapt to people being in the house during the day. Since they are all in school full time I have a good six hour block of time where things are usually quiet. In the summer it takes awhile for me to adjust to my own kids (I really do love them) and others being in my house during a time that previous was solitary time. Even as a young mother with the kids at home, I needed afternoon nap/quiet time probably more than they did to recharge my batteries.
Relationships
I have to laugh that I married a fellow introvert and remember being asked by someone who married a definite extrovert, so what do you and Eric talk about? Well folks, we may not have all that much to say in group settings but in our comfortable one-on-one settings we never run out of conversation starters. Mostly we try to solve all the worlds problems (hasn't happened yet unfortunately) and go into more depth on whatever topic we are discussing. If there are times of quiet, we are totally fine with that as each of us are probably in our own heads thinking. I also find it funny that a lot of my good friends are fellow introverts and even though we really like being together, we don't seek out the opportunity as much as our extrovert friends do. The shirt at the top of this post is real.
Activities/Sports
As many of you know, I love being active. My sports of choice growing up were soccer and running and as an adult I have tried to keep up my love of them and add more. I didn't realize how much running is the perfect introvert sport, which is probably why I enjoy it. I know many women that love to run in groups but I prefer running by myself with an MP3 player as my companion listening to books. Even though soccer is a group sport, I absolutely love it as it makes me interact with other people (you mean I have to leave my shell sometimes?), just don't ask me to go to a big party after the game. As an adult I have found a love of hiking and biking. These activities too I often prefer to do alone just because.
Vacations
I've heard it said that introverts are mountain people and extroverts are beach people and I have to say it's probably true. Growing up in southern California I really wasn't a beach person but that may not have had more to do with sand, sand everywhere, very cold Pacific coast water, my distaste of swimsuits than with too many people there. Eric and I chose to make our home in Colorado with plenty of mountains nearby. The times when we have vacationed at beaches, I made sure we went when it was the off season and loved it. Even if I can't change the amount of sand or having to wear a swimsuit, I can definitely go somewhere with warm water when it is less crowded. I know a lot of my friends love Disneyland/Disneyworld/Universal Studios vacations but to me there are just too many people for my taste. At least at the busiest time in Yellowstone you can spread out and go to different parts of the park where there aren't too many tourists. I've also realized that I really don't really like hotels. Too many people and noise that wakes me up at night and I prefer condos, rental homes, or campsites.
Finishing Up
I am so glad that people come in all different types of personalities. I need my extroverted friends to get me out of my shell and experience more in life. I hope my introverted nature performs some balancing act in society as well. No matter which side of the scale we find ourselves on, I hope each of us feels comfortable and accepting of our own temperament and look for ways to adapt and stretch (but not be fake) when necessary so that we can all work together (or alone when called for) to be our best self.
